Knees buckling, hands shivering, I walked onto the platform. The wait that seems like forever is beginning. I sit down in the purple contoured seat, which I quickly realize is quite uncomfortable. I feel my stomach clench tighter, and I grit my teeth. Slowly, painfully, I lift my arms and grab the safety harness. Pulling the harness down over my head seems to be more of a challenge than I had anticipated. Gravity is my enemy today. I manage to hold all the air I can in my lungs and with all my might, pull down and buckle the harness into place. The announcer’s bored, nonchalant voice fills the amplifier, stating to keep our hands and all extremities inside the car at all times.
“Deep breaths,” I tell myself. “The sooner it starts, the sooner it will be over.”
A harsh thrust brings me out of my attempt of relaxation. My friend Brittany looks over her harness at me and smiles as big as she can. I lean forward, fake a smile, rub my sore calf, and sink back into the seat. The worker pushes the flashing neon red button and we jolt forward. I hold on tight as the seats begin to lean back. My eyes shut tight, afraid to relax and look at the view. The ride, creeping up the steep slope, decreases in acceleration, nearly stopping. Handlebars are provided on the harness; however, they are no help due to my perspiring hands. My stomach flips anxiously inside of me. I open my eyes in a nervous twitch only to see blue sky, and before I could close my eyes once more, the seat was leaning forward. Down was my only view.
The beginning of the week starts like any other. It is Monday night and I have finished my homework like mom asked. As routine goes, I watch an hour of television until dinner is served. A commercial comes on as soon as I click the ‘On’ button. Children screaming, waving their hands up in the air as they glide down the roller coaster tracks is what I see. In the next frame the family gets off of the ride, holding onto each other, smiling in merriment.
“Six Flags: Elitch Gardens! Have a blast!” announces a comical, childish voice.
I have never been to Six Flags, and this commercial has sparked an interest. Running to the phone to call my best friend, I quickly repeat the name of the amusement park in my head so I will not forget. Brittany’s mother, Amy, answers the telephone and politely asks me how I am. Enthusiastically I ask her if Brittany and I can go to this awesome amusement park called Six Flags Elitch Gardens over the weekend. She giggles out loud and answers calmly: We are much too young to go to a giant amusement park on our own. Disappointed, I say nothing but stay on the telephone. After a couple seconds, she exclaims, “Actually, we have no plans this weekend. How about I take you two?” Giddily, I ask my mother for permission to go. The date is set: Saturday at 11 am.
The whole week, I make sure to do my homework every night and do well on quizzes so I will be allowed to go to Six Flags. When Saturday rolls around, I wake up extra early and get dressed in light khaki shorts and an old t-shirt my mother bought at a thrift store. Fruit salad is what I eat for breakfast because of the simplicity. The butterflies in my stomach won’t allow much more food. Amy honks her car horn, startling me although I was expecting a noise soon. I run out to the minivan with my mother by my side. After big bear hug, I hop inside.
The ride to downtown Denver is a blast. We listen to bands such as N*Sync and A-Teens, teen hit sensations and our absolute favorites. Amy tells us that in the gargantuan park, we must stay next to her at all times and let her know if we need anything. I am so terribly excited, but in one instant, the entire thrill evaporated into thin air. Roller coasters soar high in the early morning sky, hundreds of feet above the dirty, colorfully painted concrete ground. My stomach sinks. Nobody told me this park was full of monstrosities. The horror, shock, and utter disbelief runs through my little veins, reaching every inch of my quivering body.
Walking through the park, I’m a daze. My main goal is to stay calm and not show Brittany or Amy that I am in fact, terrified. The MindEraser, staring me blankly in the face, is a shocking structure filled with sharp twists, astonishing speed, and unavoidable loops. Brittany grabs my hand, stares up at the menacing sign, looks at me with a devilish twinkle in her eye, and pulls my arm towards the entrance. A twenty minute wait is not long enough to calm my nerves, but just long enough to make sure I am perfectly petrified. We are next.
Knees buckling, hands shivering, I walked onto the platform. The wait that seems like forever is beginning. I sit down in the purple contoured seat, which I quickly realize is quite uncomfortable. I feel my stomach clench tighter, and I grit my teeth. Slowly, painfully, I lift my arms and grab the safety harness. Pulling the harness down over my head seems to be more of a challenge than I had anticipated. Gravity is my enemy today. I manage to hold all the air I can in my lungs and with all my might, pull down and buckle the harness into place. The announcer’s bored, nonchalant voice fills the amplifier, stating to keep our hands and all extremities inside the car at all times.
And then it was over. Just like that, relief floods my body. Imagining myself riding straight up and directly back down. Twists and turns and loop-de-loops caused this ride to be high in velocity and, surprisingly, enjoyment. No wonder this ride is called the MindEraser; I can think of nothing other than the pure joy and freedom I felt while upside-down or falling down a ninety-degree slope.
“Nothing to be scared of now,” I tell myself. And from there, we continue or adventure through the amusement park.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
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i'm the first to comment, so i'm supposed to be looking for a purpose, but i'm not totally sure what that means :/ so i'll just say what i'm thinking- your essay was very discriptive, but i found it be a little confusing. i couldn't really keep up with the subject change, but after i sorted through it, i liked the idea of your essay.
ReplyDeletehmmmm... how does one NOT know what a purpose is? As I saw your paper, you were writing a description to describe the effect of the MINDERASER on you. You had a unique start, but, like your first commentator said, the transition is difficult to follow. I like the concept of organization that you're trying--it just needs to be refined a bit. Don't give up on this unique approach--just work with it a bit more. That's the whole purpose in revision, after all.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, the way you pulled off starting with the event and then going backwards in time was incredible. Most people (even movies..) fail really bad at that. The first few paragraphs I can really see through your eyes. You get slightly weak when you're describing the commercial and how you decided to go, but that isn't the main point and we don't care about that anyway..just background information that's nice to know.
ReplyDeleteAlso - I liked your conclusion, it made me feel good. Like our heroine just totally won and everything is alright. It's an essay with excellent description AND a happy ending! Superb.
over all i thought your paper was good but i think you need to add a lil more description.
ReplyDeleteI love the way you start the paper the firts few paragraphs were great. Very descriptive. Slightly confusing, but still good. So people have covered purpose,and clarity so that leaves adience. I think that you wrote with a good feel for your audience. you didnt leave room for any assumptions, however it does get a little confusing. But I think in the middle there is alot of emphasis on things that arent as important to your essay.
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